I’m not even sure where to start when it comes to the year that has been 2016. A year of celebrities dying, reminding the world that everyone is mortal, no matter how much cash you have. The shift in the politics of the world. Brexit. Trump. The Global refugee crisis. Terrorist attacks. It has been a crazy and tragic year and we have yet to see the full extent of its effects on our lives. The year has been very busy at home and at work as well which has lead to a complete lack of blogging. It just wasn’t the priority at any given point in time. Thinking about the future and what may come can lead down some very dark paths. So, throughout 2017, I have decided to focus on everything that is right in my world and to do my best to effect positive changes with things that are not. I need to be more grateful for all that I have and everything that I have achieved. I have created a list of 50 resolutions that I would like to bring into my life. That’s one a week for 2017. I don’t know if it is achievable, but I am going to give it a go. It seems a fitting way to try and get back into blogging.
I really like writing lists. In fact, writing lists is the only way that I get any shit done. I like to tick things off the list, it gives me a sense of achievement. With that in mind, I have given myself a head start on one item on my to do list. I quit smoking 4 days ago. I’ve got patches, an eCig and a lot of mints. I’ve decided that I can eat whatever I like whilst I am quitting. I can’t do everything at once. My other half has quit as well so it is quite tense in my household. I am doing my best to keep my mood up and not to snap. I think he is feeling the same way. It has got to be tougher for him as he smokes a lot more then me. Today, is the first day where I have not been angry at the thought of not having a cigarette. It might seem strange, to be angry, the only thing I can equate it too, is the irrational irritability women can feel when they are on or approaching their period. Not much I can do but weather it. Today I have come out of the other side of the storm that was going on in my brain. I don’t know how long I will be on the patches for but at the moment they are a lifeline to sanity. I have quit before and it’s never been this hard. I think it’s because this time I know I am done and we are both doing it. When I have quit before my other half hasn’t so there’s been baccy in the house if I wanted to crack. This time I removed all traces of baccy from the house. The only way we can crack is if we go out and buy some. I’m not going to do that and I will lose my shit if the OH does. Because we agreed to do this together, we have good reasons for doing this and because it would mean we’ve been shitty and snippy to each other for the last 4 days for no reason. That shit is not cool. It’s not how we usually communicate, which is what I think is allowing us to get through this. We know it’s just something to be gotten through.
So it’s Wednesday night now and I have been rollie free for almost a week. I have however found an additional 5lbs of weight. That’s not all down to giving up the tabs. We have been eating pretty badly this month. The cravings have pretty much gone now but 3 days of not sleeping really screwed me over. I was getting confused and struggled to put a coherent sentence together. I fell asleep on the sofa last night at around 11 and OH woke me up at about 4:30am to go upstairs to bed. He thought it was better to let me have some solid sleep rather than waking me earlier and not being able to get back to the land of nod.
So am sat here thinking about all my grand plans for next year and have realised that I have done fuck all planning. Time to crack on. I’ve got a pad of paper and a pencil to start making plans and jotting shit down. I prefer writing things down, especially with a pencil. I find it cathartic.
Motivation has been an issue today. I’ve got quite a bit to do before Christmas and today I have barely done a thing. Previously, my routine would be, have a tab, start something. Do a bunch of tasks then have a tab. I need to find something new to replace that habit. Today I tried “I’ll watch one more episode then…..” but that didn’t seem to help my productivity at all. I am determined to get a least a few more items ticked off the to do list tonight before I got to bed.
I’ve also eaten SOOOO much food today. Gluttonous is the word I would use to describe myself. I’ve not even noticed I’ve been doing it until after the fact. If I look at the clock as I finish feeding my face it is usually around the times I would have had a tab. I feel quite gross right now. Eating well requires quite a lot of time and effort. Planning, shopping, cooking. I didn’t think I could do all that as well as quit smoking. But I am going to be getting on it straight away after Christmas as I feel like Jabba the Hut right now. MINGING!
It’s the 28th. Christmas went well – I didn’t poison anyone and my in-laws seemed to have a good time. Result!!! We still haven’t smoked and yes, I am still eating everything in site. I’ve already done the meal plan for the first week of 2017. We’ve still got so many bits and bobs from Christmas that it didn’t make sense to do a plan for this week.I hate waste – especially of food. I am actually really looking forward to cracking back on with eating well. As I mentioned above it does take some planning. Especially if your default is to turn to Just-eat.
I’ve not put much down about what I’ve actually got planned. I don’t want to make this post hugely long – I just want to get it up (That’s what he said!!). So I will finish here, even if it is a bit abrupt. I am just getting back into the swing of things so bare with me as I get to grips with my writing style and the format of posts! I wish you love, laughter and adventures throughout 2017!